Before There Was You

Wife Or Mistress, Which Is Better?

Filed under: Human Behaviour — Heather Hand @ 8:07 am

The other day my cousin Angela wrote to say, while attending a performance of La Boheme, she met a man during intermission.  This is how it came about. Angela is an opera fan and with nobody to accompany her, she had decided to go alone.

During intermission while ordering a glass of white wine, an attractive older gentleman approached her and asked her how she enjoyed the show.  She detected an accent and asked if he was a visitor to her city.  She discovered he was Italian, a maestro with an Italian symphony.  My cousin speaks some broken Italian which is aided by the fact that her father is Italian and therefore Angela has an Italian surname as well as given name. He seemed quite taken by her. It’s amazing how much can be said and the connections you can make during a short intermission.  He gave her his card, asked her to email him any time she wanted.  When next she finds herself in Rome, he would be pleased to show her around.

This gentleman is at least twenty years her senior so chances are he’s married with a family.  Becoming his girlfriend or mistress is really the best she can hope for.  Or not.  Maybe he is divorced – he did not wear a wedding ring, after all.  Maybe he never married.  Or maybe he’s gay.  That would change everything.

That got me thinking – what is better – to be a wife or a mistress?  Let me see.  A wife usually implies a family, inlaws, school, noise, bills.  A mistress implies gold lame pyjamas, romantic dinners, hot sex, quiet togetherness.  Men of means often opt for both.  Of course he wants a family, especially sons, to carry on the “name” and traditions.  But for interludes that nourish the soul, there is nothing like a good mistress.

So, which would I opt for given the opportunity?  I don’t know.  I should think it would depend on the man.  If I were to be someone’s mistress and not having the financial security that marriage brings, I would want expensive gifts, and I don’t mean just jewelry and furs but real estate and blue chip stock.  After all, I would know that as my beauty fades or he becomes bored, I will probably be replaced by a younger version.

I relayed that thought to Angela.  I wonder what she will decide to do.

Snap Up That Man

Filed under: Human Behaviour — Heather Hand @ 9:43 am

I was sitting here thinking about the men I’ve known over the years. They fell into two categories – those that wanted to get involved in a serious way and those that didn’t. I’m not talking about sex here, for a change.

Case Number One: He wants to get serious. I don’t. He verbalizes his intentions and I feel a knot growing in my chest. It feels like a noose that is tightening and moving up my esophagus, chocking me until I want to scream or cry. Of course, I do neither. Instead I stutter some foolishness like, “I’m late for a dental appointment.” Anything, to get me out of the situation quickly.

Case Number Two: I want to get serious. He doesn’t. I should have been aware of the signs. It’s not as though they were cleverly disguised or anything. Does he work every weekend, holidays, New Year’s Eve, Christmas Day, Valentine’s Day? Of course, he’s married or in a serious relationship with someone else, using me as a diversion from the mundane.

Case Number Three: Our eyes meet, something goes ping in my head, I can’t disguise that little smile that suddenly appears on my face – and his. It all seems so right. His hands feel soft, his smile is warm. I don’t feel threatened or like I want to dash off to a dentist appointment.

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could make that happen at will? Maybe you can. In any case, it’s worth a try.