Before There Was You

A Warm and Sunny August Saturday

Filed under: friends,Human Behaviour — Heather Hand @ 8:04 pm

What a great day for getting together. August, Saturday, sunny and, for once, not humid.Sitting together at a sidewalk café, Melanie, Carol and Fran ordered a litre of white wine and lit up.

“Seems like the only place you can have a smoke these days is outdoors.” Carol remarked.

“I wonder if there are any statistics out there that can tell us if cancer has been reduced since the no-smoking ban,” mused Melanie.“I’m willing to bet none.”

“I’m willing to bet that the smoking ban has not made one scrap of difference in longevity or quality of life,” added Fran.

“In its stead we have an explosion of obesity” said Carol.

“Well I for one either eat or smoke. If I can’t smoke, I eat or drink,” this from Melanie.

“Nothing stops me from drinking – nor you Mel, for that matter” added Fran with a chuckle. They all laughed. They’d known each other since high school and were in their absolute comfort zone when they were together.

“I get a kick out of the guys at my club.  You should see them when they’re at the club bar together. A pretty girl walks by and they all ogle and make comments. A chubby girl walks by and they all have something negative to say. Meanwhile, they don’t look at themselves. Every time I hear something stupid coming out from one of them, I feel like running for a big mirror and holding it up to them.” Melanie said while taking a good sip from her glass.

“Yes, that’s the sort of crap we have to put up with. I hate men” said Carol.

“We all do. We just like having sex with them,” added Fran.

“That’s about it. Here’s to having hot sex with those jerks,” said Melanie and the girls raised their glasses and in unison cried “to sex!”Peels of laughter followed.

It didn’t take long, women seated at other tables heard them and started to giggle. It was one of those moments when man-hating was at the top of the list of all the women there. However, as we all know, those moments don’t last long. If you’re female and straight, sooner or later you crave the company of men.

Carol turned pensive. “The other week I was out of town on business and stayed overnight at the Holiday Inn. The phone rang, I picked it up and heard the voice of a young man. He sounded nice. He came right out and said he’d seen me in the dining room and followed me to find out what room I was staying in. He said he wanted to have sex with me.” Fran and Melanie listened intently.

“What did you say?”

“I said yes. He knocked on the door, I opened, he was young and cute, I let him in, he took off his pants and put on a condom. We had sex. It was great and then he left. End of story.”

“Oooh, you took a hell of a chance. He could have been a weirdo,” said Melanie while Fran nodded.

“I realize that. I’m never doing that again.I was in a strange town, alone and lonely. I know that’s no excuse but…..”

“I had something similar with an obscene caller” Fran added while the others burst out laughing.“He kept leaving these long, really explicit messages on my voicemail.I gotta tell you, they made me hot just listening.

One day, I picked up the phone in the middle of his soliloquy and said, ‘Listen mister. Meet me at the corner of Bay and Bloor in ten minutes. I’ll be the one wearing a trench coat.’ I hung up and put on my trench coat – understand it was 88F outside – and went to the appointed corner.

A nerdy looking guy came up and said ‘I believe we were to meet here’. I grabbed him by the scruff of his neck, took him upstairs threw him on the bed and jumped him. He continued his dirty talk and I had the best time ever. So, Carol, don’t feel bad. We all do strange things now and again. And just by the way, he never called again. I don’t know how I should take that but there you are.”

Melanie chimed in with, “Girls, our glasses are empty. Waiter!”

And so the afternoon turned into evening until it was time to go. It was great just hanging out with friends. Nobody was judging anybody. Real friends don’t judge.